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-->> ..my one true love.If i can get a M A M E cabinet ( meaning i gotta make more money ) .. gonna go ahead and make this one of my priority games.The environments i used to play this at, coincidentally had a ' OLD WEST ' theme to them. When i'd go play it at the old Pioneer's Plaza ..there was old arcade called ' The BOARDWALK U.S.A. ' .. this was an old arcade chain and supposedly was the same arcade chain that appeared in the first ' Lost Boys ' film. My mom and pop would go off for lunch at the China restaurant and i'd run to Boardwalk for a few rounds of the ' Boys. Tho' i couldn't play long since time was limited and i was usually next to broke and you had to put credit on these cards you got. Usually only had a buck or so to put on there. The entire plaza was actually a real neat old mall. A heavy ' old west' motif and the Boardwalk actually occupied most of the building. This was also where i saw some of my first glimpses of TMNT arcade games and many many rounds of Pac-mania. Back in the mid - to late 80s early 1990s the place to be was the B.W. The had huge ass, air brushed arcade paintings high above on the upper walls over all the arcade. One was a slick AIR BRUSH face montage of TMNT and the classic logo. When that game first came out.. the original TMNT arcade.. it was hot. You couldn't play it cuz so many people crowded around it ..it was hard for kids to get a look and i was a whimpy-shrimp so all the big people would hog it and i couldn't get in to see it very much exepet from afar. Later i'd play it the first time in Denver. When i was older and my father wanted to go to the mountains for gambling, he'd "Bribe" me to go with him by giving me arcade change. Couple arcades had C O W Boys.. and i 'd pump in 20 bucks at a time easy, playing that b7tch. Of coarse the gambling community is in a little old historic city called ' Cripple Creek ' .. the arcades have kinda dwindled in the Creek. But i also haven't been there in a long while cuz i find casinos so f9cking boring.I'm most upset, the Boardwalk is long gone, they moved it actually .. but it wasn't the same. The tore Pioneer Plaza down and put an ugly strip-mall in it's place. Seems to be happenin' to all the cool old places in this idiot city anymore.What's left of Boardwalk is in an arcade up the street called ' Nickel - a - play ' .. it's kinda ok. But it's not the same. i don't go in there allot. If they get a C O W Boys machine, then i'll go every night.**Hate to say it ( or maybe i don't it ) .. that game may be a reason i'm so addicted to the franchise.When cartoons crossed over into videogames ,something that i was pretty much raised in and on.. it became all the more special.You know this sh7t was so damm important to me back then .. and now ..it's like it's imperative as ever.Everyone thinks i'm nuts, that there is no logic to my work.Like it's unexplainable and that everything i do is just therapy or something. Feedback is so fleeting ,especially when i need it. Butt hat's the way it goes it seems. Everything i do makes everyone on edge.. and question things. I don't it .. and i guess i won't.There are methods to the ' Madness ' and connections beyond f7cking nostalgia for me. TMNT C O W BOYS .. there are more than just icons of childhood and fleets and friends of fancy. It's art of a certain kind of power.. sure all the CASH COWS ( no pun intended ) and nostalgia play into it. But to be f7cking out there and creating things if'n it be more pronounced and mainstream or obscure .. these things when they come up, if i'm wearing a damm Casey Jones shirt ..or sketching the f7cking C O W Boy in my book on the bus people will be like, hey what 's that you are drawing. O i remember that show !! It was funny as hell .. - - - -. Crap .. when i was in San Diego wrapping my brain about how much all these people were rejecting everything i had to offer.. this one girl designer came up and looked at one of the Tokka illustrations. I figured what i was doing .. outside of any f8cking cult following i had noone would recognize my illustration as ' TOKKA ' unless i explained it to them. No.. this girl saw him and was .. " O God ha ..that looks like that one guy from the Turtles move .. the one with Vanilla Ice." ..my heart skipped a beat.. and i freeked out.. .. that made my year.Still after all the craziness of one of the most hardest 365 of my existence ..i'm kinda wondering why in f8ck i still drown with such anything but nearly a candle as to what the f7ck i'm gonna do or where all this work i do is gonna go.They tell me.. " O well, Tokka some people get lucky in art. "Well what the f7ck is that supposed to mean ?? I'm not trying to get lucky .. i'm barely f7cking surviving here .. i just wanna be able to support myself in all this obsessive work i'm doing that's turning out to be something that's killing. There must be a allot of passion for what i'm doing if i'm still doing it after all this time, after all this medical chaos , sh6t in my head , nervous breakdowns and suicide attempts !! It's like it wouldn't matter to anyone.. even if you had your damm arms cut off and your were spitting red from your arms like like a bad Money Python routine. an elephant could come along and stample you to death .. and what you got ?? Sometimes tt's like New York city mentality. No one cares or gives a f7ck or looks. And other times it's like they feel your enthusiasm.. they know you want to work so desperatly ..and so badly .. they make all these promises to you.** BOOM ** time and time again .. and again .. AND AGAIN it happens.. they seem more like they are blowing smoke up my ass and en i'm like ' Were they just fibbing to me ..feeding me sh7t for the moment ..putting me on to make themselves come off better and fluff me up ?? ' It all f6cks with my head.. and continues me on a path that just gets darker.I dunno .. where it goes and i don't see brighter days for me .. again i think i'll just keep working til' i drop. Whatever.. if they ever come at me and question my dedication .. i may very well be tempted to punch them in the face.Gonna keep pounding out C O W Boys concepts if anyone sees them or not. I'm not doin' it for therapy.. i'm not doin ' it cuz i have to.I'm doing it cuz i care about these character so fucking much. And i'm beyond sick and tired of everyone thinking i don't have a place in this idiot world .. i'm beyond angry for all of them jerking me around for all these years and telling me i'll never make it as this.. i'll never make it as that !! Yeh whatever.. does anyone ever have anything positive to say about anything i do ?!Prolly not.. but i'll keep working and working and WORKING .. and the things i'm working on anymore are gonna blow people away. And if they continue to be like " O Crazy Tokka.. O look at him ..ignore him .. " so be it. When i do something beautiful.. they'll miss it and they hide under their rocks..I'm allot of things. Fine i'm f7cking crazy .. but there is logic in allot of what i'm doing.. and i am marketable.And yeh like i say.. i ain' out of the woods yet .. but i got a flashlight now.And i'll f8ck everyone senses up in a good way if need be.. and if even after all is said and done and their minds are still closed ..it'll be a damm shame, cuz i'm not bad artist. I'm just a different breed of one.If i ultimately don't make it .. it CANNOT be said i didn't try so f9cking goddam hard that it killed me.( sorry .. for the rant. it was built up .. i guess it just spilled here.Guess it's just more proof at least to me how important all this stuff is if it moves me to such extremes. Hmm.. wonder of Mayor Bulloney's hiring .) >v<
You keep charging ahead through all that negativity. Don't let up, don't stop!!
-->> ..i'll try.Try to get that ' IRON HORSE ' mentality .. charge ahead..>v<
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